Monthly Archives: May 2016

Successful Workshop Completed During CICC’s 42nd Anniversary

LN Graduation Group_1917

The latest instructor training workshop to learn to deliver CICC’s Los Ninos Bien Educados program for parents of Latino children was a major success! A total of 12 new instructors from social service and mental health agencies and departments in Los Angeles County completed the workshop on May 13, 2016.

Their reactions and evaluations were uniformly positive, including several participants saying the workshop not only prepared them well to educate the families they serve but also how what they learned in the workshop enhanced the parenting of their own children.

Videos and Pictures from that workshop are available by clicking here. Once you arrive at the page scroll to the bottom to find all the videos and photos of the workshop. Included are scenes from the actual workshop with Dr. Martha Lopez, the workshop leader and Dr. Kerby Alvy, CICC’s founder and director.

Anniversary Event

It was a pleasant coincidence, since CICC was officially founded as a non-profit community service, training and research organization in May 1974, that this workshop took place during the month of CICC’s 42nd Anniversary. During those years CICC’s programs and services have contributed to over one million parents nationwide becoming more skillful, effective and sensitive in raising their children.

CICC is very proud of these far-reaching and important accomplishments, and wishes to thank everyone who has been involved!

Related Resources

Additional information about workshops and educational materials from CICC’s three national model parenting programs are available on the CICC website.

CCP-EBP-LNBE Handbooks 3Across

New Confident Parenting Program

Effective Black Parenting Program

Los Ninos Bien Educados Program

We encourage your comments and opinions below.

The Needs and Rights of Children and Parents…………. by Kerby T. Alvy, Ph.D.

CICC -White Family

Children need space and freedom to grow. They need an atmosphere of warmth and trust in which to freely express their thoughts and emotions.

These same things, however, can also be said for parents. They, too, need space and freedom to grow. They, too, need a family climate conducive to the free expression of ideas and feelings.

CICC-Black Family

All too often, however, it seems the needs of parents are being sacrificed to the wishes and behavior of their children, or vice versa. Either way, the consequences are usually disastrous for both parent and child. Resentments build, tempers flare, and, in the final analysis, neither party gets what he or she really wants – a healthy and happy relationship with the other. In short, nobody wins.

The point of all this is that a satisfactory balance must be obtained. For example, your decision to have children brought with it a number of responsibilities and commitments. Yet no one would argue that with that decision you were obligated to sell your personal happiness down the river.

CICC Banner 4 YouTube copy

Each set of parents, then, must work this out for themselves, carefully balancing the needs of the children for optimal growth and development with their own needs for self-expression, harmony, and peace of mind.

These are among the main reasons why we at the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring have created our trio of evidence-based parenting skill-building programs, our New Confident Parenting Program for parents of all cultural background, our Effective Black Parenting Program for parents of African American children, and our Los Ninos Bien Educados Program for parents of Latino children.

To better balance a parents’ needs and rights with those of their children, we urge you to obtain the Parent Handbook of the most appropriate program for your family and use what is taught to bring greater peace and harmony to your home. These handbooks also make great gifts for friends, relatives and colleagues.
Just click on the title of handbooks of your choice and you will be able to purchase them with your credit card.

CCP-EBP-LNBE Handbooks 3Across

New Confident Parenting Program

Effective Black Parenting Program

Los Ninos Bien Educados Program

We encourage your comments and opinions below.

Parenting: The Dance of Our Lives… by Kerby T. Alvy, Ph.D.

mum-dancing-child-alamy

I have found it both instructive and enjoyable to think of parenting as a grand dance that we do with our children…

The hall is prepared for the dance when we think about becoming parents and have a vision of what our relationships will be like with our children.

When we focus on what sort of persons our children will become and how we will help them grow in ways that we value, we have begun the dance.

For mothers the dance takes on concrete reality when the child’s moves become felt inside her. She senses the mysterious steps or kicks of the child and reacts with her own movements and thoughts. Even for fathers, when mothers share their reactions they too become partners of the grand dance.

Once the child appears, we are in for the dance of our lives.
Whether we are the child’s biological mother or father, foster or adoptive parents, or otherwise responsible for that child’s safety, health and well being, we are in for at least two decades worth of surprising moves and changes that we must react to and accommodate.

Sometimes the dance will be slow and smooth. Other times it will be hot and hectic. At best we will remain in synchrony as our child’s partner, swaying in rhythm as he or she sways, providing leads that are easy to follow, at times difficult, experiencing exhilaration at the meshing of two minds, two hearts and two bodies. At worst we will be out of step or dancing to a different beat, both on the same dance floor, but miles apart.

Most of the movement will be initiated by our little dance partners. As infants their actions and cries alert us how to care for them, how to hold, rock, feed and comfort them. They teach us and we learn quickly what they need. Successfully soothing a discomforted baby is a lesson we should learn from because our children will continue to confront us with behaviors that will challenge us. Being sensitive and vigilant to how they react to our reactions will serve us well.

Their vulnerability, tenderness and desire to be loved make the dance ever so worthwhile. Their extreme emotionality and disobediences, however, can detract from the beauty of it all if we fail to understand and react properly. When we hear their first “nos” and find ourselves running after them, we are best served by appreciating this as normal childhood behavior, spawned out of playfulness and out of childhood naïveté about what is or is not acceptable.

The testing of the limits of acceptability is also a phenomenon that is wisely understood as normative as it will occur over and over again as we dance with our children throughout their residency in our homes.

They will also bring challenges to the smoothness of the dance from what they learn from television, movies, the Internet, social media and from their friends, peers and relatives. All of whom are powerful shapers of who they are and are becoming.

Possibly the most momentous challenge is the wholesale behavior transformations that happen as they grow from one developmental stage to another – and to another, and to another, until sometimes we are not certain that today’s dance partner is the same as yesterday’s.

We parents also bring newness and challenges to the dance. We don’t stop evolving and developing once we become parents. We may be fully formed physically but our minds and hearts continue to bring issues before us that cause changes in what we consider important.

And our bodies change in ways that influence our evaluation of ourselves and our sensitivity to age and weight considerations.

In addition, we bring into the home new ideas from our education, job, career and friends. Our ideas about what is or is not acceptable are subject to change – and those changes, in turn, affect the dance with our children.

And so the dance goes on and on, swirling, faster, slower, always accommodating changes from both partners, always the most important of dances until we exit from the dance hall for good.

Dad-dancing-w-kids10x8

RELATED RESOURCE

Dr. Alvy has always thought about parenting as a dance we do with our children. The first time he wrote about this conceptualization was in the initial chapter of a book he wrote with Dr. Camilla Clarke in the Parent Handbook for The New Confident Parenting Program.

NCP Parents Handbook_3895 crop

This handbook contains a complete program of parenting skills and ideas about how to make the dance as enjoyable and productive as possible. You can obtain the book by clicking here.

GET PARENTING ARTICLES AUTOMATICALLY!

CICC has added a new feature to its website to enable you to never miss an article on parenting and parent training!

Now you can automatically receive every important article that CICC publishes.

Simply go to the CICC homepage (www.ciccparenting.org), scroll to the middle of the page to the new Mailing List Form (see below). Fill it out on the CICC homepage, Check “I am Not a Robot” and then Click on Submit.

MAILING LIST ON CICC HOME PAGE

Then you will be among the first to receive new articles that CICC publishes.

These professionally written articles have included, and will continue to include,

EFFECTIVE PARENTING GUIDELINES

like the Get Home Safely Rules to help children know what to do when stopped by police. These Rules are in English & Spanish.

RESEACH FINDINGS ON EFFECTIVE PARENTING

like those on the Lasting Impact of Positive Parenting

ADVOCACY STRATEGIES

like urging Presidential Candidates to include Effective Parenting and Parenting Education in Policy Proposals to make America a more child and family supportive nation

MEDIA EVENTS

like reviews of such films as Spotlight to broaden perspectives on such issues as the institutional abuse of children

PARENTING INSTRUCTOR TRAINING OPPORTUNITIES

like the opportunity to enroll in a workshop to learn to deliver CICC’s Los Ninos Bien Educados Program for parents of Latino children, and upcoming workshop opportunities to learn to deliver CICC’s other national model programs, CICC’s New Confidant Parenting Program and CICC’s Effective Black Parenting Program.

PARENTING SERIES ON IMPORTANT TOPICS

like the recent ten part series on why We Must Stop Hitting Children!

The next soon-to-published series will be concerned with… How Children Learn.

So to insure that you do not miss it and other helpful articles go immediately to the CICC homepage (www.ciccparenting.org), scroll to the middle of the page to the new Mailing List Form (see below). Fill it out on the CICC homepage, Check “I am Not a Robot” and then Click on Submit.

MAILING LIST ON CICC HOME PAGE